-Feel me.-

As i listen to the song Emotionless by Good Charlotte, i really wonder if my father ever thinks of me. Anyone who wants to listen to it can msn me for it ( if i can extract it from my ipod ). Theres always this 2 scenarios floating in my mind. One is about when my father is near his time up, will i have the courage or thought to go and visit him? I really am in a dilema on this one. Although he hasn't came to talk to me (unless its new year), he's still the one who brought me into this world. But @ the same time, he was the one who made me go through all this crap. Yet, i wonder will i have the courage to NOT go see him. The other one is i wonder if one day, my father realises that he still has a son like me, and comes to find me, will i be able to accept him? After trying so hard to find a replacement, all the trouble, all the hurt, has made me into a emotionally stronger person. Will i then turn soft? or shun him without even a blink of an eye?

Since we're on the topic, a replacement, i have been finding a guy friend, someone who is willing to spend some time with me, do stupid things, yet being able to be emotional as well and last but not least, a hugger! =p. Of course many of my friends currently are able to fulfill all of the above criteria cept the last, becos it is the hardest of all like i have said before. Now let me shed some light on some guy theory i have come up with.

You know that guys go through puberty slower then girls. This results in lacking of emotional strength and understanding for the other party for guys. I conclude that this therefore causes a relationship to go wry. Next, because their not emotionally developed, thus people like me who have gone through more and think further are @ a different level. So when i say ( literally ) a hugger as my last critieria, most guys would @ first instinct say GAY, which is natural so im not exactly surprised by this reaction anymore.

This roughly concludes my life.

-a thought was left behind and remembered here @'
1:09 AM